


Through Memories

by herwhiteknight



Series: 365 Days of Sarah/Cosima [33]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Couch Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 11:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13635375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight
Summary: Even though she's been dating Sarah for two months, Cosima still can't believe how cuddly her girlfriend is.





	Through Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meatheadinthecraftroom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meatheadinthecraftroom/gifts).



> I wanted to write something fluffy for my dear friend E, but then uh... the following happened. I tried. 
> 
> Day 34 of 365.

Cosima knew before even moving in with Sarah that her girlfriend was a really touchy-feely kind of person - once you'd gained her trust. Cosima had gotten used to Sarah's casually affectionate touches whenever they'd pass each other in the hall of Mrs. S’s house, or the slight cramped space of Felix's loft. They’d only been dating for two months, but it was something she still took pride in, to have tamed, somewhat, Sarah's unpredictable nature for long enough to find a way into her heart. Not that Sarah would admit to giving in, out loud, to anyone other than Cosima.

“Don't tell anyone,” Sarah had whispered late one night as they camped out in Mrs. S’s living room, a blanket fort over their heads and a sleeping Kira nestled safely between them, “But you found your way into my heart the second our eyes met.”

“Not that anyone would believe that _you_ of all people would say something so _sappy_ ,” Cosima whispered back with a giggle, making Sarah grumble in protest. “But I know the truth, Sarah Manning. Deep down,” Cosima continued on after a dramatic pause, “You're the sappiest person I have ever met in my _entire_ life.”

Sarah had protested again, but decided to retaliate by reaching across Kira’s sleeping frame and tickling Cosima in _exactly_ the spot she knew would be most effective. A con of dating your own clone. Cosima, of course, couldn't help but fight back, causing Kira to wake up with a grumble of her own, one that matched Sarah's exactly. Cosima couldn't hold back her smile at that.

“Ugh I _knew_ this would happen,” Kira had huffed as Sarah attempted to stifle her laughter, “You’re both just crazy around each other. I'm going upstairs to get some _proper_ sleep.”

Sarah and Cosima stared at each other as Kira left the fort, annoyed, before bursting out into laughter. “You'd think _she's_ the adult in the family,” Sarah sniggered, immediately scooting in close to Cosima to fill the gap that Kira had left.

“She gets it from you,” Cosima hummed as she leaned in to kiss Sarah gently.

“You love it,” Sarah murmured against Cosima's lips.

“You know I do,” she had smiled.

So Cosima knew that Sarah was a cuddly, touchy-feely kind of person. But _nothing_ in all their previous months of dating could prepared Cosima for _this._

“ _Coooss_ ,” Sarah whined from the front entry of their apartment, the door slamming shut, indicating her return home from work. “I'm tired.”

Cosima's eyebrows arched in amusement as she glanced across the open floor plan of their apartment to see Sarah petulantly standing on the welcome mat. “O..kay?” Cosima said, “And you're expecting me to do something about that?”

“Yes,” Sarah said plainly, unmoving.

“And that would be…?”

“Carry me,” Sarah said, finally kicking off her boots and dropping her bag as she held her arms out towards her girlfriend as she sat at her desk.

“ _Carry you_?” Cosima repeated incredulously.

“Ob..viou..sly,” Sarah said, imitating Snape from the Harry Potter movie they had watched last night.

“Alright,” Cosima said with a chuckle as marked her place in her textbook and got up, “But only for that sweet Severus Snape impression.”

Sarah grinned as Cosima pulled her into a hug first, kissing her hello. “Con woman, remember?”

“Ye-es,” Cosima agreed carefully, settling her arms around Sarah’s waist for the moment, “But you’re past that now, right? Turning over a new leaf, getting that apprenticeship at that tattoo shop?”

“Wet blanket,” Sarah stuck her tongue out at Cosima, who stretched her neck out just slightly like a snapping turtle and nipped lightly at the pink flesh that poked out past Sarah’s lips. “Oi!” Sarah said, immediately pulling her tongue back in.

“Thought you would’ve learned by now _not_ to do that, huh?” Cosima teased, then mentally steeled herself. _Okay, Cosima, you’ve got this. Sarah does this all the time for you, and it’s the sexiest, most romantic thing ever. You can do this. Bridal carry, right? You can-_

“We do have workin’ plumbing, Cos,” Sarah said, lifting an eyebrow at her expression.

Cosima blinked, “I’ve got this, I… what?”

“Y’look constipated,” Sarah said, folding her arms and smirking.

“Oh come _on_ , not fair!” Cosima protested, “I didn’t tease you when you came in here, dropping your bag and holding your arms out like some kid begging for their mom.”

At that, Sarah’s expression froze, her lips pressing into a hard line. Her hands jammed themselves into her pockets and, without a word, she shoved past Cosima brusquely.

_Oh shit._

“Sarah?” Cosima tried carefully, turning around as she watched Sarah stride - no, _storm_ \- around the apartment, into the kitchen now, pulling down the bottle of bourbon Cosima had gotten her as a surprise housewarming present.

Sarah didn’t say anything as she poured herself a shot of bourbon, straight, and slammed it back in an abrupt motion. Then, only after a second shot was poured, did she turn back to Cosima, that overly-cuddly expression on her face once more. “Yeah, Cos?”

Cosima _knew_ that asking would just get her nowhere, so she got right down to the point. “Something’s wrong,” she said, drawing closer to Sarah as she stood by the kitchen sink, but left her enough space so she wouldn’t feel caged. _God knows she’s had enough of that over the past few years,_ Cosima thought sadly as she watched Sarah’s grip tighten on the glass, the liquid within shivering ever so slightly as Sarah’s hand shook.

“M’fine,” Sarah said, “Long day at work, is all.”

Cosima studied Sarah’s demeanour quietly, all while racking her brain and trying to figure out what would cause Sarah to be acting strangely. Came up with nothing. “Still want me to carry you?” Cosima offered with a half-shrug, looking over at Sarah with gentle eyes and a soft smile.

Sarah let out a watery laugh, draining the last few drops of her bourbon before setting her glass down in the sink. “If you think you can, honestly,” she said, raising her arms slightly once more.

“Hey!” Cosima said, slightly offended, “You pick _me_ up all the time and have no problems, so like, I think I should _totally_ be able to just fine. We’re the same person, after all.”

“Yeah, but,” Sarah lifted a shoulder, “You’ve been sittin’ at your desk lately with school stuff and I’m just, like, inherently stronger than you, an’ all.”

Under normal circumstances, Cosima would’ve protested more, but given the way Sarah’s been acting, she let it drop. “You don’t have to be,” she said quietly. At Sarah’s confused frown, she continued, “Stronger, I mean. We’re all still here for you, no matter what’s going on. Let me carry you, okay?”

“An’ jus’ look who’s bein’ the sap now, hey?” Sarah said gruffly, but there was a spark of genuine gratefulness and affection in her eyes as she opened her arms up once more.

“I think we’re entitled to a little sap, considering,” Cosima said, missing the way Sarah’s face fell slightly as Cosima positioned herself for the carry. “I think, uh…,” she started, then shrugged sheepishly. “How do you do this so easily all the time?”

“‘Ere,” Sarah said, coming to stand beside Cosima so that she was just off to her left side, then faced perpendicular to her. “Put your left arm on my back, below my shoulder blades, yeah?”

“Right,” Cosima positioned herself, feeling the muscles of Sarah’s back with not even a little shame. “Then?”

“Then I just…,” Sarah said, wrapping her arms around Cosima’s shoulders and, without further preamble, swung her legs up to Cosima’s other arm.

Cosima yelped, belatedly attempting to get her arm under Sarah’s knees, only managing to catch one of them, sending them both off-balance. Sarah, fortunately, pushed off with her one foot that was still on the floor, sending them tumbling onto the couch in a fit of laughter.

“Shit, a little warning next time?” Cosima grumbled from underneath Sarah’s weight, making no move to escape despite her complaining.

“Sorry,” Sarah snorted, pressing a kiss to Cosima’s forehead,  “Jus’ wanted t’see how you’d react.”

“We could have, like, fallen and broken our necks and died or something!” Cosima said, smacking Sarah’s chest indignantly.

“Survived worse than this,” Sarah muttered, a cloud crossing her face, the mood from just a few moments ago crashing down on top of them both.

Cosima hummed quietly, shifting slightly so that Sarah slipped off her and they were laying side by side. “Want to talk about it?” she asked gently, lifting her hand to run her fingers gently through Sarah’s hair, scratching lightly at her scalp as Sarah closed her eyes.

Sarah shook her head. “Can we jus’... lay like this? An’ not think of anything for awhile?”

Cosima hummed gently again, tangling her fingers in Sarah’s hair for a brief moment to bring her forehead closer for a kiss. In their close proximity, Cosima felt Sarah’s tension melt away from her body in a quiet sigh, her arms wrapping around Cosima’s waist and pulling her close.

They stayed like that for several long breaths, their rhythms matching and syncing together as they simply _existed_ together. No other outside noise pierced their universe, save for the occasional passing car on the street a few stories down.

Cosima thought that perhaps Sarah had fallen asleep, when-

“I didn’t go t’work today, Cos.”

The statement hung in the air, the same way that her statement from so many months ago, _I didn't take my test,_ did. Cosima waited, just as she had before, for Sarah to continue when she was ready.

“I went to visit mum.”

Cosima went still, not daring to break the silence lest Sarah clam up again. She had barely talked about S around anyone, much less Cosima. It wasn’t something Cosima tried to force out of her either.

Sarah eventually continued, “Still have th’note she gave me an’ Fee an’ I just… y’know, I.. wanted to talk to her again. I miss her.”

Realization from what she had said earlier hit her, about teasing Sarah for wanting to be carried by her mum, and, before she could stop herself, she started to sit up, shame sending words tumbling unbidden from her lips. “Oh, god, Sarah, what I said earlier, I'm so sorry, that was so, so stupid of me, I didn’t know-”

“Cos.. please,” Sarah started with a long sigh. It was the lack of fire in her tone that made Cosima stop - it’d been so long since she’d seen Sarah so defeated like this. “Just… don’t, yeah? I know you didn’t know, s’not like I broadcast it or anything. Even Fe an’ I, we don’t…,” Sarah shook her head, her lips cornering in a frown. “I just… I need you _here_ right now, yeah? Please?”

“Of course, Sarah,” Cosima said, without hesitation, settled back down onto the couch and snuggled in close to her. “Whatever you need, okay? I’m here for you.”

“I know,” Sarah said quietly, searching deeply into Cosima’s eyes for a long moment, before closing her eyes, “M’so tired Cos.”

“Just rest, love,” Cosima murmured, smoothing Sarah’s hair away from her forehead and kissing her cheek, “There’ll be light in the morning.”

 


End file.
